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A landmark UCLA study suggests
friendships
between women are special.
Friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet
to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our
marriage, and help us remember who we really are. But they may do even more.
Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract
the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis.
A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of
brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women.
It's a stunning finding that has turned five decades of stress research- most of
it on men- upside down.
"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when
people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to
either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino
Klein, PhD, now an assistant professor of biobehavioral health at Pennsylvania
State University in State College and one of the study's authors. It's an
ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the
planet by saber-toothed tigers. Now the researchers suspect that women have a
larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight.
"In fact, says Dr.Klein, "it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is
released as part of the stress response in a woman, it buffers the fight or
flight" response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other
women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies
suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and
produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr.
Klein, because testosterone- which men produce in high levels when they're under
stress- seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to
enhance it.
The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in
classic "aha!" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking
one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who
worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee,
and bonded,"
says Dr.Klein.
"When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I
commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the
stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the
two of us knew instantly that we were onto something." The women cleared
their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from
various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered
that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge
mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has
significant implications for our health.
It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin
encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the
"tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may
explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that
social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate,
and cholesterol.
"There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us
live longer." In one study, for example, researchers found that people who
had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another
study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of
death by more than 60%. Friends are also helping us live better.
The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more
friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as
they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact,
the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having
close friend or confidante was as detrimental to your health as smoking or
carrying extra weight!
And that's not all: When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned
after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this
biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend and confidante were
more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairment or
permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate.
Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life
these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so
hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles
researcher Ruthellen Josselson, PhD, coauthor of "Best Friends: The
Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships" (Three Rivers
Press,1998).
"Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do
is let go of friendships with other women," explains Dr. Josselson.
"We push them right to the back burner. That's really a mistake, because
women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another.
And we need to have un-pressured space in which we can do the special kind of
talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing
experience."
September has
also been declared as National Women's Friendship Month. The
governors of several US states have signed proclamations recognizing
the importance of women's friendship. This celebration first began
as National Women's Friendship Day in 1999 (celebrated the third
Sunday in September each year).
Following the 10th
anniversary of National Women's Friendship Day in 2008, it became
apparent that one day just wasn't enough, so the celebration was
expanded to the entire month of September beginning in 2009.
"All women
find strength, comfort and inspiration from their girlfriends," said
Melanie Schild, Executive Director of Kappa Delta and the brains
behind the creation of the celebration. "In a time of increasing
demands, we want to encourage women to take the time to nurture and
celebrate these important relationships."
You can read more
about National Women's Friendship Month and its founders on the
Kappa Delta website.
You don't need to be a member to celebrate your women friends.
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